Blackberry is the rat in the icon. She is also the momma rat that started this whole thing.
Today, at ~12:15 p.m., she departed the earthly plane. I euthanized her. It was a very difficult decision, but she was in a considerable amount of pain which was only going to get worse and not take her away soon enough.
She was such a sweetheart. Of all the rats I've ever kept, she was the best. Her kids take second place.
I remember rescuing her from the snake cage. I gave her Reiki, and she snuggled in the crook of my arm, bruxing away. Even though I'd decided to never keep rats again, this one won my heart over and I kept her. Since then, she was a sweetheart, wanting to hang out with me, being the best rodentist a rat owner could ask for. She loved to explore my desk and office.
Then I noticed she was getting awfully fat, awfully fast, and pretty soon it was obvious she was pregnant. I upgraded her diet and got a birthing bin ready. At the time, I was working at home, so I was able to be there the day the kids were born, all 11 of them. Because Blackberry trusted me enough to let me look at and touch the newborns, I was able to count them and discover that two didn't survive the first couple of hours.
Blackberry was never a jealous or overly protective mother. She allowed me to touch and handle the babies from the first day, even dropping one or two in my hands. I was able to move her and the babies back in with Aunt Blue within the first couple of weeks after birth.
She has always stayed the same sweet rat the whole time I've been lucky enough to know her. No other rat loved to hang out with me the way she did. She would crawl inside my shirt (and she taught the others to do it too). Her standard greeting, if I got my face close enough, was to grab my mouth, poke her head inside, and start cleaning.
The day Blueberry died was the day I discovered the tumor growing on her belly. I called the vet, checking on prices, without much hope, since I knew the operation would be expensive, and the day I discovered it was the last day of my last job, with no idea where I would be going, or whether I would even be able to collect unemployment. The operation would have cost $200-$400. I made the difficult decision to care for her the best I could and try to make it as easy as possible.
I know, I know - "if you can't afford the vet, don't have the pet". It's difficult and shaming to admit I had to make a choice like this based on economic factors. I've always been able to afford to take care of my pets before, except this time.
So, in the past month the tumor ballooned out of control, as they usually do. Last week I noticed she was beginning to drop weight and deteriorate in other ways. I researched methods of at-home euthanization, and found one. I went through a dry run to make sure I could perform it and learn about any adjustments before the real thing.
Yesterday morning I noticed she'd gotten worse, and while I was at work I made the decision that today would have to be the day.
I don't want to go into any more detail than saying that the method worked, extremely quickly and (apparently) painlessly for Blackberry. I held her for about an hour beforehand, saying goodbye and channelling Reiki. My hand was probably the last thing she felt.
Blackberry's remains will be laid to rest later tonight.
Goodbye, Blackberry. I'm glad you're not in pain anymore.
I'm really going to miss you.